JOKES PAGE

These are the complete jokes from the activities page writing exercise.

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?”
The farmer replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”
“How?” asks the man, puzzled.
The he farmer says you can win a Nobel prize by being outstanding in your field

 

An 85 year old man marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new husband is so old, the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate suites. She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself.
After the festivities, she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting. Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and all goes well, whereup on he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.
After a few minutes there’s a knock on the door and there the old guy is again, ready for more action. Somewhat surprised she consents to further coupling, which is again successful, after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves. She is certainly ready for slumber at this point and is close to sleep for the second time, when there is another knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 20 year old and ready for more. Once again, they do the horizontal boogie.
As they’re laying in afterglow the young bride says to him, ‘I am really impressed that a guy your age has enough juice to go for it three times. I’ve been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one.’
The old guy looks puzzled and turns to her and says, ‘Was I already here?’
“How?” asks the man, puzzled.
WIFE: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
HUSBAND: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
WIFE: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”
HUSBAND: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out.
Where’s the car?”
WIFE: “In the pool.”

 

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”

 

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those?”

 

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”

 

worried because they hadn’t heard anything four days from the widow and the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silvers said to her son, Timmy would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is.
After checking on her, her son said, she’s fine, except she is very upset with you.
Mrs. Silvers said, why is she upset at me.
Her son said, Mrs. Kirkland, told me to tell you, it’s none of your business how old she is.

Tue. June 17
Give me the punch line for this opening and set up.
A 70-year-old man, went to his doctor to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man jar and said take this home and bring me back a sample tomorrow. The next day the 70-year-old man comes to the doctor’s office and hands him an empty sample jar. The Dr. looks at it, and says, what happened? Well Dr. he said, first I tried with my right hand, then I tried with my left, nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, nothing. Then I asked my wife to try she tried with both hands, and her mouth, nothing. Then we asked our next-door neighbor to try. She also tried with both hands and her mouth, nothing! The doctors said, you asked your next-door neighbor to try?! And he said…… We tried everything but we couldn’t get that jar open.

Mon.June 9th 20014

In chemistry class the teacher asked what are nitrates. By me might not doing my homework I answered, nitrates are less expensive than day rates.

MAY 26th
My three year old has been walking since she was two,her silly girlfriend said. doesn’t she ever get tired

A white missionary went Africa to help a tribe with food and medicine.upon arriving the chief would allow him to help as long as he didn’t have sex with his daughters.9 months later his oldest daughter give birth to a very lite skinned baby almost white. The Chief was very angry and had the missionary brought to him.He told the missionary he was very disappointed in him having sex with his daughter. The missionary denied the charges and pulled the chief to this side and said I didn’t do anything wrong,nature is funny.for instance look at that flock of sheep they are all white accept one black one now you see what I’m saying. The Chief pulled the missionary to the side and said I get what you’re saying and winks at him and said in his ear (“you keep my secret I’ll keep yours”)

3 thoughts on “JOKES PAGE

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