These are the complete jokes from the activities page writing exercise,and more
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”
A young girl is wandering through a park in the pouring rain, when she comes across 3 dogs. Being a bit of an animal lover, she approaches them, bends down and starts to stroke one of them: “Ah, you’re lovely, aren’t you?” she says to the first dog. “What’s your name?”
To her surprise, the dog actually answers her, “My name’s Huey, and I’ve had a great day going in and out of puddles.”
Delighted with this discovery, she moves on to the next dog. “And what’s your name then?”
Again, unbelievably, the 2nd dog answers her, “My name’s Lewy, and I’ve had a great day going in and out of puddles.”
And so she moves on to the last dog. “Let me guess,” she says. “your name’s Dewy, and you’ve had a great day going in and out of puddles.”
“No,” replies the last dog. “My name’s Puddles, and I’ve had an awful day.”
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?” The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn’t serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and says, “Got any grapes?”
Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ”Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!”
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ”Got any nails?”
Confused, the bartender says no.
”Good!” says the duck. ”Got any grapes?”
A rancher was giving interviews for a new ranch hand
The rancher asked how is your health , and do you have accidents often
The ranch hand said I don’t have accidents
The Rancher said but you are walking with crutches
the ranch hand said …i fell down a flight of stairs it was no accident when I gave her devorce papers , my ex wife pushed me
A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?”
“Ever go a fishin’?” the policeman suddenly asked the man.
“Ummm, yeah…” the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, “Did you ever catch ‘em all?”
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
“What are my choices?” he asked.
She replied, “Yes or No.”
One day a red head, a burgandy, and a blonde went for a hike. When they were already to start hiking the burgandy said “Did you gals bring anything because I brought food incase we get hungry?” Then the red head said “I brought water in case we get thristy!” Then the blonde said ” Well I brought a door from a car. If we get hot we can roll down the windows!”
Stumpy and his wife Martha, went to the fair every year and every year Stumpy would say, ‘Martha, I’d like to ride in that there aeroplane.’
And every year Martha would say, ‘I know Stumpy, but that aeroplane ride costs $10, and $10 is $10.’
One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, ‘Martha, I’m 71 years old. If I don’t ride that aeroplane this year I may never get another chance.
Martha replied ‘Stumpy that aeroplane costs $10 and $10 is $10
The pilot overheard them and said ‘Folks. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you, but if you say one word it’s $10.�
Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns’ rolls and dives’ but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.
They land and the pilot turns to Stumpy, ‘By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.’
Stumpy replied, ‘Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out but $10 is $10.’
One day a policeman, a ninja, and a terrorist were on a plane. The policeman threw his gun out the window for good luck. The nija threw his sword out the window for good luck. The terrorist threw a bomb out the window for good luck.
Later, the policeman saw two little girls crying. He walked over to them and said, why are you crying. One girl replied, “Some idiot threw his gun out the window and it shot our father.”
The ninja saw two boys crying. He a